Review of "Ghost radar" app

I thought I was clever (intelligent, smart and brilliant) until I had downloaded “Ghost Radar” on my phone.  I opened the app, and I had been welcomed by an ad from “L’Express” (a French weekly broadsheet newspaper). What a relevant association.  Or maybe l’Express is looking for the ghost of their lost audience? (Wait, did I just make a political joke? Uh, I’m definitely funnier when I talk about poop.) After this first supernatural event, I entered into the world of Ghost Radar. I had been watching it for few minutes when all of a sudden the word “MORNING” appeared right above the radar. I didn’t understand, it was 5 pm. Suddenly, the word “RUSSIAN” showed up.  

OK.

Afterwards, the app turned weird and a little depressed:

In French, “MORT” means “dead”, or “duck”

Really, I didn’t see its point. I was in class; it was perfect place for experiences (because professors are not human; you’ll agree). So I looked at my teacher, to then at my device. “BURN”. OMG. I don’t want him to burn, just watch him dance while being naked. Another glance at my teacher, he was speaking. I stared at him, trying to detect any form of supernatural presence in his eyes. No clue. I looked at my device. “CHURCH”. Oh! So much clairvoyance from this gothic app. In fact it was right, my teacher was actually a small pile of bricks but I’d never noticed it before.

How can I explain this new form of perspicacity? Is this app Beelzebub? It is a possibility. I hope not, it is already the name of my cat. Its younger brother, a small and cute kitten, is named Satan. They are part of a gang, and they rule their world, trust me.  I admit I also could have read the app’s instructions, but I was too lazy to do so (and I still am). So read it by yourself boy, I’m not your slave. 

Though Ghost radar’s creators gave me a good piece of advice:

“You can temporarily use Ghost Radar as an extra source of light, like a flashlight, in a dark environment.”

As far as I’m concerned, I only use Ghost Radar as an extra source of light. Or as a frying pan to make pancakes. My pancakes like being cooked as an app insult them of “RUSSIAN” or “MATERIALS”.  

Bonus: I’ve noticed that the company running this app – Spud Pickles – also owns a mobile videogame untitled “Ghost Radar Quest”. After having met ghosts around you named “ALL” or “ATOM”, you can now pleasantly hunt them.

  

I’ve already neutralized “MITT ROMNEY”, “ACADEMICIAN” and “DIAPERS” ghosts.