Review of "Project Repat"

Both Karl Lagerfeld and Marc Jacobs used to be fat. Today, they are skinny and considered as genuine geniuses. But people often forget to discuss one of Jacobs’ first assets: his tattoos. Marc has several tattoos:  stars, dogs, a Simpson character and last but not least SpongeBob Squarepants on his right arm.

Here we are.

When I was young (I mean before I got used to drinking with drag queens every Tuesday night), I was obsessed with Sponge Bob. I strongly believed his drama concealed hidden messages. I was infatuated finding some. For instance, Squidward Tentacles NEVER wears pants; moreover he doesn’t have ANY penis. Do you follow me? Yes you do, so congrats you just found a hidden message too. Take another example: Eugene Krabs seems to have a lot of money and power undersea. I just think he’s an illuminati.

My older sister discovered this cute hobby and gave me a Sponge bob t-shirt as a gift. I never could thank her enough. But unfortunately, my breasts were already outrageously big (no kidding: 42DDD since I am 7 so kids at school used to call me “the balloon”). So I was not able to wear it. But I still have this high piece of fashion in my wardrobe.  I admit I absolutely cannot get rid of it. This shirt taking up too much space is my first concern everyday, I can’t help thinking about it all the time. I’m powerless, I can’t solve this conundrum and this makes me feel me like shit. I feel depressed; I want to hang myself with Cheestrings because of this hell of a shirt.

Fortunatly, Project Repat had been hearing my despair and entered into the market. This start up aims at transforming your old t-shirts into a lovely quilt. Are you a weak person? Can’t you throw away your old memories and shirts? Are you a nostalgic kitten-lover bastard? Are you a loser? You didn’t have sex since 2012, am I wrong?  Don’t worry, it's my case too. And Project Repat has been made for people like us. Thanks to these nice guys, you will be able to wrap yourself up in your ex boyfriend’s sweat, just like the old days :)

Order your quilt now.